Jennifer: I’m so excited to be here with Esther Perel who’s celebrating the 20th anniversary of ‘Mating in Captivity.’ What are some red flags on a first date?
Esther: Somebody who keeps talking about themselves and doesn’t ask you a single question.
Jennifer: Classic.
Esther: Haven’t we been on that date?
Jennifer: What’s one misconception that people have about desire?
Esther: That it’s an on and off switch. That it just kind of falls from the heavens like a Deus ex Machina while you are folding the laundry. It just takes you over and you are swept away. Committed sex is premeditated sex. It’s sex that you have actually thought about and planned.
Jennifer: Why do we always want what we can’t have?
Esther: I would actually turn the question around. Can we want what we already have? Why is it that because I can have it I want it less? Because something in desire is anchored in longing and absence and yearning. There is something in doing something what we shouldn't do that makes us feel more free, more mischievous, more transgressive.
Jennifer: Well said.
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