So You Want To Visit A Sex Club…

The Fleur philosophy: Why not try everything once? So, in this edition of “bidding adieu to taboo,” we’re talking sex clubs.

For the uninitiated, a sex club is indeed an established community and/or actual establishment that serves as an adult playground, providing a safe setting to explore kinks you may be curious about. Perhaps you’ve fantasized about getting lost in a sea of limbs, or maybe you’ve just got an exhibitionist itch to scratch. Whatever your reason for wanting to test the waters, here’s your guide to going about it before diving in.

Meet Your Match

You read Yelp reviews for restaurants and check the ratings before booking a hotel. Finding the best spot for your fantasy romp should be no different. Do your research and, better yet, go off of a trusted recommendation. Word to the wise: A good sex club should prioritize guests’ safety, comfort, and consent. Once you’re sure you’ve met your perfect match, it’s time to get excited.

Refresh Your Relationship

If you’re coupled up and embarking on this frisky journey with a partner, congratulations! Your relationship is set to reap some major benefits. “Going to sex clubs is a great way to expand any couple’s sexual experiences and variety,” says sex expert and host of the Luvbites podcast, Dr. Tara. “It helps build stronger trust. It combats long-term relationship sexual boredom. It clears stagnant energy and helps couples reinvigorate the spark and passion. And it’s a fun experience that can release dopamine and oxytocin, the feel good hormones.”

If you needed an excuse to take date night to the next level, well, now you have plenty.

Communication Is Key

As Dr. Tara adds, this little adventure can also help enhance communication skills in a relationship “because the couple needs to thoroughly communicate before their first (and every) sex club experience.”

Not only should you discuss your motivations and expectations, you should also be sure to set some boundaries that you and your boo are both fully on-board with. “Discuss green (okay), yellow (maybe), and red (not okay) lights. For example, one can say ‘talking and flirting with other people is green light, touching other people is yellow light so ask me first, and having sex with others is red light for our first time going.’”

If you’re single and very much ready to mingle, it’s still important to communicate with yourself about what you hope to get out of this new experience, and establish the lines you draw and what you’ll be comfortable with. No one knows you better than yourself!

Dress Up To Dress Down

Now we’ve gotten to the fun part: dressing up for the occasion. When it comes time to raiding your wardrobe for the ideal ensemble, take a tip from Daniel Saynt, the founder of NYC-based club, New Society For Wellness (NSFW). “We go by a three layer rule. The first is the clothing you come in with, the second is usually your sexy look, so lingerie or underwear with robes, the final is just you in your birthday suit. When dressing for a sex party, consider your reveal from layer one to layer two.”

And to really bring the drama, “add some accessories to your look. A riding crop or flog are great accessories that can also be used in play.”

Ladies, think silky slip dresses you can easily unrobe, with boudoir-ready sets beneath. For the boys, you can’t go wrong with cheeky lace boxers or an even more suggestive pair of underwear. And, of course, you can always have some fun switching underthings with your partner…

Naturally, Fleur has you covered - or uncovered - on that front.

Relax & Explore

We all remember being nervous our first time – but when you’re about to lose your sex club virginity, just relax! You can take in the kinky landscape before joining in, and you shouldn’t feel pressured to get down and dirty right away. Walk around, explore the scene, look without touching. Stay vocal with your partner and acknowledge what seems to be whetting your appetite.

If you care to start slow, you can ease into the action with some light touching or even by giving and getting a G-rated massage. Really, that can be all it takes to get your pleasure senses activated.

Practice Enthusiastic Consent

Finally, when you’re in the midst of play, one of the most important things to do is continuously check in with your partner(s). Always ask for permission before touching and be sure to give and receive verbal cues along the way. One of the staples of a sex-positive mindset is fully embracing enthusiastic consent – and it’s especially necessary in a group setting to ensure everyone is having the best time.

But don’t worry, talking certainly won’t kill the mood. As Daniel suggests, “use your words to show your interest in others and get creative on your dirty talk to keep the experience sensual.”

There’s no need to play coy. Whatever your pleasure, just ask and you shall receive!

Ready to join the club?